10 things lesbians don’t want to hear

Sometimes it’s like the world comes out of the pot. You meet nice people, talk to them and suddenly that. The revelation, “I’m a lesbian” is sometimes followed by disturbed glances and promptly the first questions arise. Questions which most people certainly turn their eyes to and ask themselves, why did I only have? The hit list of the ten most frequently asked questions is now compiled from the Gay Voices of the Huffington Post for all those who still want to learn something:

1. Are you really a lesbian? You don’t look like one at all.

Oh, what does a lesbian normally look like? Based on widespread misunderstandings, there are indeed two stereotypes of lesbians: the Butch, a masculine lesbian who defies the image of women in society with all her might and throws herself into slobber or, alternatively, men’s clothes with shorn hair, and then the feminine counterpart, which is not stingy with sexual stimuli, as the porn actresses or many women do in advertising.

In reality, however, lesbians are just as diverse as any other woman, which of course is reflected in their behaviour and appearance. Even if this was the case a long time ago, that you can recognize a decent lesbian at least by his shoes, the borders have crossed in the meantime. Today a lesbian wears everything there is on the market. And in reality it’s the same as with any other woman, lesbians simply don’t fit into any drawer.

2. When did you become a lesbian?

  • Become! When do you “become”? When do you “become” hetero? The sexual orientation is nothing what one “becomes”. It is rather something that people ARE. Sexuality is not subject to free choice.
  • Even if here and there someone from your youth could swear from deepest soul that you had a crush on Peter, Klaus or Paul from the eighth class.
  • That doesn’t mean that you weren’t a lesbian at that time, because maybe there was still a great sports teacher.

3. Why didn’t you tell me that?

What did you tell me? How I am sexually knitted? Well, for most of our beautiful LGBT community there are a lot of reasons not to necessarily talk about our sexual orientation. Most of the time it just doesn’t happen. And with the door in the house fall, could sometimes also go to the back. The situation does it. Nevertheless, for some the Coming Out process is not the easiest thing in the world, so it’s also widespread that some don’t feel one hundred percent comfortable with their “being out” yet. Despite the enlightenment of our time, there are still risks in the job, family problems or reproachful looks in the residential environment. Note: Not everyone lives in the big city!

4. Who is the man in your relationship?

Aijaijaijai! There are things that patriarchy and the heterosexual world have taught us that simply do not apply to same-sex relationships, and that there is a “man” in a lesbian relationship is one of them. Women can coexist without a male part or male influence. Just as there is no woman in the male same-sex relationship.

5. I don’t know how the two of you cope with each other’s mood swings. I am constantly driving my boyfriend to white hot.

No relationship is perfect, and the idea that a lesbian relationship is turbulent or explosive because women are capricious and clinging is just obscene. Homo- or hetero-women are not fickle, emotional creatures begging to tie themselves down after the second date. And the obsolete idea that all women are indecisive and overdramatizing doesn’t necessarily apply to lesbians and actually not to other women either.

6) Has anything ever happened to you that you, well, are afraid of men?

No. Despite the statements of some people, there is no direct connection between being a lesbian and being abused. Lesbians are not afraid of men or penises, just as gays are not afraid of women or vaginas or were even abused by heterosexual women in childhood. So homosexuality is nothing that results from a bad and terrifying experience.

7. At least you don’t have to worry about sexually transmitted diseases or unwanted pregnancies, do you?

Be careful, fat cup! So, actually, lesbians can transmit diseases like everyone else, or why are there things like dental dams or even condoms for women? (Yes, there really are!) Likewise, if same-sex couples decide to have children, this can be a time-consuming, frustrating, expensive and above all exhausting process. Reminding someone of exactly this is not necessarily the relaxed way.

8. Well, how does sex between women actually work?

Jesus, ask Dr. Google! Yes, there are many porn movies for the “real” lesbians, but everything concerning the sex act of any orientation, which defines the media world, should be enjoyed with caution. Everyone has different sexual preferences. Not every lesbian likes the same thing. While some like sex toys, which again doesn’t mean that they want to imitate the penis here, others prefer oral sex, which doesn’t mean that they serve the male idea of a “pornolesbe” here. And only a part of the nude itself, fisting, rarely makes it into the commercial porn flicks, which makes it no less of a sexual activity than any other of their “intimate” ways that two women can indulge in.

How lesbians finally have sex is an often common “mystery”, because there is no penis after all. But that “mystery” is again only to be attributed to the gender role in the worldview of society and not to the actual need that someone wants to know something about the sex life of others.

9. Have you ever thought of a threesome?

Sure, uninterrupted! … so honestly, the question is often asked by men. The author’s personal answer to this is clear: No. Nevertheless, there are a few members of our wonderful community who do not leave anything out in the bedroom when it comes to the joy of experimenting. Which is perfectly okay. Lesbians who enjoy the threesome are therefore not necessarily sex-hungry monsters or desperately trying to turn hetero women around, or even to give hetero men the show of their lives. As already said, there are different preferences. So why wouldn’t there be?

10 Well, I’m not a lesbian, but I’ve always wondered what it would be like.

You want to experiment? Fine, do that! Only you can define your sexuality. It doesn’t matter how much you flirt or make subliminal remarks about yourself, because you should never expect a lesbian to lean over and make you understand that you’re a lesbian or that you’re towing yourself out to find out. Lesbians are not there for you to experiment with if you are curious about your orientation. No woman is a mere sex object to act as a lust object or guinea pig for the pleasure of others. Whether you’re a man or a woman, don’t expect a lesbian, or whoever you’re attracted to, to be a numb creature outside of her sexuality.